The Rules of Work - keep your counsel

When at work, it's often wise to keep you counsel. Or to put it another way, keep your mouth shut.



I don't mean not speaking up when the situation demands it; keeping quiet when you're meant to be presenting to the Board is not the best idea.



What I mean is that making unguarded personal criticism of others, or 'letting off steam', can often backfire. If you think someone is rude, incompetent, lazy or awful in some other way: keep it to yourself. Be very careful what you say, and to whom. You might feel you are in trusted company - with a colleague you have known for years, and who has shared their negative impressions of people with you too. You might think your comments will go no further. But there's a problem.



First, your colleague will tell someone. When they in turn tell someone else, your name will come up. Maybe not maliciously, but suddenly you're linked to potentially harmfull rumours, or worse: it could be defamatory, offensive or even illegal. Ever heard of Chinese whispers?



There are a number of ways to deal with invitations to join in with general badmouthing, even if you think it is justified.



1. Use reported quotes. "Well, some people might think...." It sounds too obvious, but it works.



2. Be non-commital. "Hmmm". "Really?". "I see". "Ok, I didn't know that". You acknowledge what's being said but resolutely refuse to join in. This is the best strategy.





Gossip diminishes the perpetrators as well as the target. Think about it: if you have a reputation as a gossip, will anyone want to trust you? Of course not.











Nor do I mean refusing to converse with your colleagues - until recently I line-managed an Australian girl, Emma, who was so quiet it verged on the rude. When asked how her weekend was she would give a straight answer - but not reciprocate the question. When she left the team organised a leaving lunch for her; but even at her leaving 'do' she refused to engage verbally with any of the team! Everyone was left thinking she was just weird. I think, perhaps without realising it, she was just rude.